Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Love & Respect in the Family: A Guest Post from the Author and a Giveaway (3 Winners; US/CAN)

Susan Heim on Parenting is pleased to be a stop on the book tour for Love & Respect in the Family: The Respect Parents Desire, the Love Children Need, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Read on to learn more about this book, read a guest post from the author, and enter to win a copy of this terrific book!

About this book:
The Bible commands love and respect between parent and child (Exodus 20:12, Titus 2:4), just as it teaches love and respect between a husband and wife (Ephesians 5:33). But, make no mistake -- Love & Respect in the Family: The Respect Parents Desire, The Love Children Need (W Publishing Group, Nov. 2013) is absolutely not a spin-off or repurposing of the popular marriage book. It is completely new … and the book people across the country have been asking Dr. Emerson Eggerichs to write for years. In essence, Eggerichs says, when they feel unloved, children react to parents in ways that feel disrespectful. When feeling disrespected, parents react to children in ways that feel unloving. Neither premeditate this negative reaction, but this is how each appears to the other and round and round it goes. It’s called the Family Crazy Cycle and this book helps families jump off of it.

WHY BIBLICAL PARENTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR KIDS
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Everybody dreams of a perfect family. Even though we know it doesn’t exist, we still feel guilty when we fall so far short. While rearing our three children, Sarah and I were there many times. I remember well what it is like to win a battle but realize I might be losing the war. As parents we were not perfect, as Sarah relays in this story:

One day in a conversation with our oldest son, Jonathan, he said to me, “Mom, you wanted a perfect family, and you didn’t get it!” I was stunned. I had never said that, but I obviously had communicated it without words. Having come from a broken home and determined to do things differently, I realized at that moment I had wanted something that was impossible to attain… I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children? We were not perfect parents, our children were not perfect, and there is no perfect family!

Two years ago I started writing Love & Respect in the Family. I wanted to quit several times as I re-visited my failings as a parent. Ironically, though I wanted to give up writing primarily because I felt I had often failed my own three kids, it was these same kids who wouldn’t let me quit! They cheered me on, telling me I needed to give myself more grace. And in the end, they signed off on everything I shared -- the good, the bad, and the ugly!

I have a feeling that you can relate to my feelings of parenting failure ... at least some of the time. But I also want to give you hope in the midst of discouragement! While there’s no perfect family, I believe God has given us the perfect parenting plan in His Word.

But what if I told you that His plan didn’t guarantee a perfect family? In fact, what if I told you that His plan for parenting didn’t have anything to do with your kids? You would probably tell me I was a bit crazy. Parenting is all about the kids!

Or is it? Did you know that Scripture tells us to love Christ more than we love our kids? Jesus said, “He who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37). Yes, we concentrate on the kids in parenting since that is inescapable, but we focus more on Christ in parenting since that is incomparable.

What do I mean? Briefly put, we are to do what we do and say what we say “as to the Lord” (Colossians 3:18-23, KJV). To parent “as to the Lord” actually means that in a most profound way parenting has very little to do with children. In a sense, our kids are secondary. Beyond the feelings of our children, we are to have a reverent regard for the feelings of Christ, the One we desire to please in the ultimate sense.

Parenting God’s way means that we follow His plan regardless of the choices our children make. As I talk to parents across the country, I find a lot of people who feel defeated as parents because of how their kids behave (or have turned out). One mother wrote: One of my problems is that when the kids misbehave or don’t act as I think they should, I feel it is such a reflection on me and an extension of me… this seems to be what wears me down and then paralyzes me, and I feel defeated.

Her comments make perfect sense to Sarah and me. Our motive for wanting perfectly behaved children was pure (we wanted to protect them from the consequences of bad choices), but when their behavior caused us to question our worth as parents and even our worth as Christians, we became deeply discouraged. On the heels of many wrong choices made by our children, Sarah and I sat sadly and quietly as we wondered where we had gone wrong. How did we fail to help our children make the right choices? What was wrong with us as parents?

There were some dark evenings when we had to deal with these feelings, but would we let these situations and our self-pity cause us to stop parenting God’s way? The good news is that such reflection caused us to face off with our identity in Christ. As we confessed our failures and defects to God, we allowed Him to remind us of His love, that He is for us, and that He will work all things together for our good. We let the Scriptures create a new script in our hearts and minds.

What is your inner script? Have you come to grips with your position in Christ? Do you realize that you have worth because He says you have worth, not because of anything you (or your kids) do or don’t do?

All Christian parents will one day stand before the Lord at the judgment seat of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:10; Romans 14:10). Our parenting will be part of this judgment. We will not be judged for our children’s conduct toward us but for our conduct toward our children. We will hear His humble and true evaluation of our actions and reactions toward our kids.

We all know the story of the prodigal son. But think about the father. He had two sons: a selfish, indulgent second born (the prodigal) and an older son who was self-righteous, judgmental, and angry.

Would you invite this father to teach in your church on how to parent? Probably not. Yet Jesus tells us that this father represents Abba Father!

Are some of you parents of a prodigal? Are others of you standing in judgment of those who are?

I believe that some of you who feel judged have loved your disobedient child by keeping your eyes on Jesus, and this has touched the heart of Christ in ways you cannot imagine. I believe you have parented God's way and will hear "Well done" even though your child has wandered away from the faith.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Ephesians 6:8 NKJV).

Will you choose to parent God’s way, in spite of the actions of your child? You too can hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

About the author:
President and Founder of Love & Respect Ministries, Eggerichs is not only an internationally renowned speaker and bestselling author (Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs -- a Gold Medallion, Retailer’s Choice and Family Christian Book of the Year Award winner, having sold over 1.5 million copies), but has studied the family dynamic for more than 30 years as a counselor and pastor.

Based on these three decades of scholarship, counseling and extensive scientific and biblical research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love & Respect Conference, through which they provide life-changing resources to over 50,000 married, divorced, separated, dating and single people, both live and by video each year. Groups they’ve spoken to include those from the NFL, PGA and members of Congress.

GIVEAWAY

Three lucky winners will receive a copy of Love & Respect in the Family: The Respect Parents Desire, the Love Children Need, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. This giveaway is open to residents of the U.S. and Canada only, and ends at 11:59 PM EST on Friday, December 27, 2013. Enter through the Rafflecopter form below.


a Rafflecopter giveaway


36 comments:

  1. love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. I hadn't thought of it this way before but it is true

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  2. men feel more disrespected
    aka midgeknows

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  3. Love and respect are as important in a family as they are in a marriage.

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  4. A loving parent does not guarantee a respectful child. Even Solomon - the wisest man ever - had issues with a child.

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  5. ghwasd7:18 PM

    Women love easier while men respect easier.

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  6. I learned that there is a video about Love and Respect

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  7. I didnt realize see what I feel as a disrespect to them it feels they are unloved. no wonder my wife says I don't love her all the time...lol

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  8. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved.

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  9. They have a videoi on their site!

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  10. I had never thought about it before, but it makes sense... Women just want to be loved and men just want to be respected :)

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  11. I love that Emerson gives practical, helpful advice and direction for making this devotional work for *anyone's marriage.

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  12. jodi frasier/lasher6:45 AM

    I learned that Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved

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  13. Anonymous2:53 PM

    I love that the advice is not only helpful but it is realistic and practical. We all know there are good days and bad days in a relationship and this puts it all into perspective.

    Mallory Bailey
    mallorybailey1@gmail.com

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  14. When children feel unloved, they react to parents in ways that feel disrespectful. And when parents feel disrespected, they react to children in ways that feel unloving.

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  15. I learned he developed the Love and Respect Conference with his wife.

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  16. They conduct conferences and provide resources to the married, divorced, separated, dating and single.

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  17. Men see through blue glasses and women through pink: plain as day, right? Once you understand that, you're halfway home!

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  18. Anonymous7:58 AM

    we have to respect women!

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  19. I like the Cracking the Communication Code Audio Book on CD

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  20. I can identify with the crazy family cycle and want to break it in my own family.

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  21. i love that they also offer a Bible study we will certainly check into doing it

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  22. During marital conflict, a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved.

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  23. love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man.

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  24. Darlene Jones-Nelson11:29 AM

    I learned that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved.

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  25. I can identify with the crazy family cycle and want to break it in my own family.

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  26. Just because I love my child, doesn't mean he will respect me. This plays out in my house every day.

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  27. I learned that he waited until his own children were grown to write the book. I also learned that the book offers 6 biblical ways to parent.

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  28. melikegarfield5:23 PM

    It is important to realize that men and women tend to interpret an argument differently.

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  29. Women need love, men need respect above all

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  30. Love and respect won the book of the year award selling over 1.5 million copies

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  31. I learned that women tend to love easier while men respect easier.

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  32. Kim G.10:01 PM

    They have 4 live conferences in the US next year and 1 video conference in Canada

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  33. I learned that women tend to love easier while men respect easier.

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  34. Emerson is the Founder and President of Love and Respect Ministries and Sarah serves as Vice President.

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  35. I liked reading all the testimonials!

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  36. It's so interesting how women and men perceive things differently.

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