Wednesday, March 12, 2008

My Transformation into a Walker

I’ve been getting an unmistakably strong message lately to walk. My husband asks why I’m out of breath after merely running to catch the phone. My chiropractor has told me to start walking. Even my angels have advised me to take more walks! (My friend is an angel therapy practitioner, and they told her I needed to walk more.) Okay, I didn’t need to be whacked over the head with a brick labeled “Walk!” I started a walking program last week. Who would have guessed how hard it would be???

The first day I set out, I lasted about 25 minutes before I pulled a hamstring and experienced serious back pain. I crawled into the house and collapsed on the sofa. Two days later, I ventured out again. The back pain was still there, but the hamstring held up. I’d made a little progress . . . ! Today, I went out for the fourth time. I thought I was doing pretty well! I could feel the burn in my thighs. I was going along at a crisp pace. My back was a little sore, but I could still handle it. Suddenly, a biker rode past me. “You’re going to have to walk a little faster than that if you want to make a difference!” he shouted. I wanted to smack that smart-aleck jerk right off his bike. “If you think you’re Mr. Fitness, why don’t you hop off your ‘arse’ and get on your feet, too?” I wanted to say indignantly. Unfortunately, I was in so much shock and dismay that I just mumbled something about being a rookie walker.

Okay, so I have a long way to go until I can consider myself a “walker.” Perhaps it would help if I had the proper “equipment,” such as an MP3 player. Maybe if I walked to a rousing rendition of Queen’s “We Are the Champions,” I would beat some speed records. For the moment, I’ve just been focused on keeping my head up, like my chiropractor advised, and not tripping over cracks in the sidewalk. And wondering, does any antiperspirant really hold up under a walk in the Florida sun? I don’t think so.

Nevertheless, I will forge on, despite the smelly ’pits, sore back, and obnoxious bikers. Before you know it, I’ll be beating Katie Holmes to the finish line in a marathon! Or, maybe I’ll just go home and read about her in my latest People magazine. I can’t pull any hamstrings that way.

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