Monday, October 22, 2007

Always a Mom


My husband and I went away for the weekend—the first time, I think, since before the twins were born almost four years ago! Actually, I was combining business with pleasure. We went down to Key Largo for the Florida Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs’ annual meeting so I could sell some books to the conference attendees. (Note the beautiful view from our hotel balcony.) We decided to recruit my parents to baby-sit so we could get a little break from the kids. So, happy as I was to get a well-needed rest, why did I think about the kids all weekend? The twins had minor colds when we left, so I worried about whether they were feeling better. My oldest son was going out with a friend, so I hoped he’d make it home safely. My other teenage son went to a friend’s house, so I wondered what they were up to. Were the twins behaving? Were the older boys getting their homework done? Why couldn’t I just quit being a mom for a few days?

I had a “cancer scare” recently. Fortunately, everything turned out to be fine, but during those dark days when I thought my days were numbered, all I kept thinking was that I wanted to try to “hang in there” until my kids were grown so they wouldn’t be traumatized by their mother’s death at a young age! I didn’t give a thought (or at least not much) to what I would be going through; my number-one concern was whether the kids would be cared for if I became ill or passed away.

Even though I’ve been out of the house for many years, my own mother still can’t quit mothering me. When she visits, she washes my clothes, sweeps my floor, and even rearranges my silverware drawer (which I redo once she leaves). Of course, it drives me a little batty considering I’m old enough to take care of myself, but at the same time, I understand. Totally. I’m sure I’ll be the same way when my boys are all grown. I’ll be getting food for their cupboards and shirts for their backs, and slipping them cash for a little treat. I inherited the “mommy gene,” and it’s a very dominant one!

Hopefully, my husband and I will be able to arrange a few more long weekends away without the kids in the next few years. When the twins are tackling each other for the tenth time in a day, and the older boys are giving me flak for suggesting they help clean house, I’m sure I’ll get that yearning for a little “alone time” once again. And I’ll enjoy it immensely—but part of me will always remain with my boys. My mother’s heart just refuses to leave home.

1 comment:

  1. Totally related to this post.

    When my husband and I go out on a "date," we rarely talk about the kids . . . we definitely "connect," but . . . when I go away, which is rare, I think of the zillion things you thought of. And my health scares--same exact thoughts. Just let me see them to adulthood. Not "Don't let me die."

    E

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