Saturday, September 23, 2006

Leaving the Kids Behind

I'm writing this at the airport as I head out of town on a short business trip. It's not easy to have a career and be a mother. It's always a heart-tugger to leave the kids. And as my career advances, I imagine there will be more days like this. I was hoping to be able to sneak away while the twins were at preschool, but Caleb came down with a cold and couldn't attend, so the kids had to accompany us to the airport. I can still hear Caleb's wailing as I stepped out of the car. I'm sure he drove my husband crazy in the car with his cries! Perhaps Austen joined in and the car was filled with their noise! Unfortunately, I got to the airport too early, so I have two hours to sit and worry about them. Will they be okay without me for almost two days? Will my husband have enough patience with them? Will they be safe? Hopefully, the older boys will help out. It's strange how mothers have the power to really hold a family together. When dads leave, it's no big deal. But when Mom goes, everyone's unhappy. Nobody knows what's going on. It's wonderful to be so important to someone, but heartbreaking, too. I feel as if I'm in the middle of a tug-of-war, being called home by my children, while being pulled out into the big world by my ambitions. Each only gets a part of me. I just hope it's enough for everyone.

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